On the Seventh Day…

(written on the 28th June during the Brexit trauma)

I took some time off yesterday from frothing at the mouth while spewing anti-democratic bilge to go to court. I had spent the weekend anxiously preparing for trial (ha ha, I only put that in for any solicitors reading this, in reality I prepare for trial by practising sneering ‘Yeah right’ in the mirror) but the well oiled and resourced think tank that is the CPS had forgotten to tell the defence that they were dropping the case (I looked at my opponent and sneered ‘Yeah right’ but she just looked confused, mental note this tactic does not work on ALL occasions). I slouched back to the robing room, the nice judge having told me that he would ensure that I was properly remunerated (“Yeah right.” “Mr Williamson!” “Sorry, Your Honour”). In the robing room there was a freelance solicitor advocate dressed as if she had just slipped out of a cocktail party in Esher. Her opponent and she were discussing their trial, he casually asked her how she had voted in the you-know-what, “Ah” she said, “I am an immigrant, my mother is French, I am an immigrant” (she was clearly adept at languages and had picked up the louche drawl of a Horse and Hounds reader impeccably). “I voted Leave”, silence, edging of chairs away. Her opponent asked, nervously, why. “Because the EU needs reform and the only way to reform it is to break it and start again.” There you have it my friends – reform it by withdrawing and hoping that brings the whole thing down. Fuck. Me.

So, I find myself at home. I have taken my daughter to school, she is as much fun as plasma toxicosis and just as charming as the symptoms at the moment. I found myself rehearsing some classics, “Would you speak to your teachers like that?”, she flashes the familial sneer, “Of course not, idiot” I have some sort of cold and so am eyeing my Father’s Day present (from my wife – the children variously forgot or gave me a piece of wood). Now, I just need to find some Lego rioters…

Alisdair Williamson's photo.

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